Emerald Helm

Trouble in Paradise When Launcelot and Guinevere fled from Camelot in their younger days, away from a vengeful Arthur intent on punishing the pair for their infidelity, neither expected life on the run to be easy. But they did not expect it to be boring, grey, and sameish, a repetitive hell that sees the couple at each others throats, when they care enough to address each other. When the promise of change arrives in their lives after two decades of isolation and despair, are they ready to- *brap* Who did that!? Who farted in the middle of the blurb!? Pee Wee, was it you? Damn it, Pee Wee! Look, we've got fifteen tales for you, set in the Norse/Celtic/Arthurian world of the bawdy Avalon Cycle. From the aforementioned star-crossed lovers to a faery detective with a taste for a strange brew (milked from male unicorns), a very different retelling of the Grail Legend (including elder gods and a sex-fiend rusalka) and the weird theological goings-on in Asgard, Emerald Helm is the first installment in Tales Of Courtly Valour I, a misnomer of a title if there ever was one. Ain't nothing chivalrous about these knights, but this collection of short stories should make you laugh, or Bob's your uncle. No, that's not right. And Bob's your uncle. Get your copy of Andrew Marc Rowe's strange mix of fantasy, depravity, comedy, and existential thought today! ★★★★★ Warning: this is a series of bawdy tales – think a bunch of limerick jokes. In the pages that follow, you will find all manner of unexpected utterances, cursing, swearing, vulgarity, depravity, shagging, onanism, lewd acts, questionable table etiquette, and many of the other kinds of things that some human beings tend to find funny. If you do not count yourself a part of such sophisticated company, perhaps this is not your book. But if your funny bone be tickled by such material, have I got some stories for you…