Keeping Heidi Close

Cindy Perkins writes candidly about the death of her young daughter, Heidi, in a car accident that Perkins herself was driving. She recounts the grief that followed, including the replaying of what might have been, letters she wrote, journaling, bargaining, counseling, and the spiritual questions the loss raised. She also describes the accident itself and the many approaches she tried in an effort to mend her heart.

Her young son also struggled with losing his older sister. Later he carried guilt of his own as the surviving child who became the older sibling, a role Heidi never had the chance to grow into. Perkins shows how far she has come. She now stands firmly in her life again, though the pain has not disappeared. She moved past the early period when she could barely face her new reality, learned to carry her wounded spirit, and built a full and meaningful life. She is clear that she has changed through this loss, and that she would give up everything she has gained to have Heidi back.

Perkins does not claim to have the answers, and she offers no simple path through grief. Her aim is to reach grieving parents and others facing devastating loss, in the hope that something from her journey gives them a small reason to hope and grow. The book invites readers into her experiences, her inner life, and her search for meaning as she learned to live with her pain and guilt.