Lessons Learned from Dating

Karla grew up into a woman who believed she needed a man, or several, to feel complete, and that a relationship was something she had to have rather than something she could choose. When each one fell apart, she blamed the men, certain that her own kindness, intelligence, generosity, and care made her an easy choice for anyone. Still, every relationship ended the same painful, angry way, and she could not see why.

As a teenager she wrote off her mistakes as the inexperience of youth. During her time in the Army she carried on a long-distance relationship, was hurt by it, and turned to a rebound partner for comfort. Leaving her child's father meant he would likely have little part in their child's life. In her thirties she dated more mature, established men, but they also broke her heart, and once she recognized they were wrong for her, she walked away. Then she met Ladder, who first presented himself as someone other than who he really was. She fell for him, then stayed after his true character showed, hoping he would change. He never did, and she remained far longer than she should have, emerging heartbroken.

Rather than becoming bitter and closing herself off from men, she searched for a way to change her dating patterns. Through prayer and long reflection, she came to see that she was as complicated and wounded as the men she had dated. After she and Ladder finally ended things, she went on a few dates with decent men, enjoyed none of them, and declined second dates. That led to a realization: she needed to stop dating altogether.

Taking that break, Karla committed to healing fully and to becoming a better woman of God. She reviewed what each man had taught her and used those lessons to improve herself. She stopped pouring all of herself, her time, and her money into relationships, and turned her focus from negativity to the people, things, and experiences that brought her peace and joy. She set out to discover her purpose and to grow into a better mother, daughter, friend, and woman. She came to understand that healing meant restoring the whole person, mind, body, and soul, and was about far more than finding the next man. In the end, Karla places her trust in God for something greater in her life.